Being a man, of course I wonder about the opposite sex. I don't suppose we men will ever fully understand the world of the fairer sex. Maybe that's how it should be. Still, I can't help but wonder. LADIES Why can't ladies be like men and do things men can do, they never fart when they have a pee and you know that this is true, and on their skin you'll see no hairs, it's smooth as smooth can be, I think they pull them all inside so only the tops you see. They wash their hair most every day until it's clean and fine, it's never matted and full of dirt and greasey just like mine, and when they buy new underwear they make sure that it fits, if I wore mine as tight as that it would squash flat all my bits. They wear those tights to cover their bums, so tight they dare not cough, for if they did they and farted too, they'd blow their shoes right off. Now once a month they have this thing that drives them round the bend, it makes me wonder every time why they call it their old friend, and when they go down to the shops they always take so long, I wish they all had one more leg to help speed things along. When they argue, they are right, you know you'll dread the day, that you try to prove that they are wrong, co's it never works that way. They always say they are stony broke, there's never cash to spare, but when it comes to brand new clothes then suddenly money's there, their skin is always very smooth, it must be stretched so thin, it's not all wrinkly, like my bits, made up from elbow skin. But when you stop to think awhile, they're special it must be said, for all their quirks and funny faults, nothing touches them in bed.